get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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