i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
