Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
