I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
