I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
