then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
