Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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