My underwear smells like fireworks.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
