Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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