how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
