More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
