Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
