so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
