grandma shit on top of the toilet
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
