Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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