The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
