He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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