the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize