Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
