I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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