Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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