okay pat passed out under dana's car
My underwear smells like fireworks.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
