i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
