i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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