you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
