You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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