Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize