just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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