cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
