Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my being single is dangerous.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
