WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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