plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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