so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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