Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
