I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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