remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
