just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When did angry sex become our thing?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize