he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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