low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
