"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
