she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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