Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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