I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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