I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
