Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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