Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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