I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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