mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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