Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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