i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
