when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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