I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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