Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
