i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Randomize
