Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
