Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
