Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
