omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
