I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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