i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize