Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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