you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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