i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
