Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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