Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize