I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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