I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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