On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
there is glitter all over my balls
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
