i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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