I feel great
I just peed on a car
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
FUCK WHALES
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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