You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
