OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
