he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Sober January is a disaster.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
