I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
