I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
